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Regner Ramos
02.04.20

@desk, guest room, a high floor, apartment, San Juan, Puerto Rico

This essay is composed of four fragments. In italics is a travel article I wrote for Glass magazine, where I review Celestino Boutique Hotel, the place I fell in love with my Colombian ex-boyfriend. I wrote this article very shortly after the breakup earlier this month, and revisiting it in an optimistic mentality in order to be able to find the words was a massive effort. In small captions are a series of iMessages between myself and four friends who have been checking up on me to say how I am. Text messages and the occasional video chat are the only contact we have, given the current state of lockdown. Depicted in drawings are AutoCAD drawings of spaces in my apartment where I usually break down in tears, and where I've spent the last three weeks in isolation. Lastly, based on Jenny Holzer's "Inflammatory Essays", in bold quotes are a series of thoughts that I've been contemplating during this breakup/lockdown/break-down, which I am unable to express to my former lover. I directly borrow this fragmented mode of writing from Jane Rendell's ideas on 'site-writing'. The fragments explore the lived experience of love and loss through three different sites: the hotel, my apartment, and my body.

"From my balcony at the Celestino Boutique Hotel in Medellín, hidden between treetops, the sunset’s rays are bursting through the branches and adorning my skin. It’s my first time in Colombia, and looking down on Via Primavera—the street where the hotel is located, in the heart of Zona Rosa—I can feel the energy of the start of my first weekend in Medellín; its soundtrack provided by House music that’s being played at a shop down the road."

NO ONE IS CURRENTLY WINNING. THE SUN REMINDS ME OF YOU AND THAT IS A PROBLEM. MAYBE GOD IS AN ALGORITHM. I AM NOT HERE. YOU ARE GOING TO STAY WITH ME AS A WRINKLE ON MY FACE.

3/10/20, 10:03 PM
Hermes: You need to let it all out and always express it and talk about Como que no quadrate shut
Yo: Ayer Shellar vino a verme and brought ice cream y hoy vino Juan. Yo pensé que hoy me iba a sentir mejor que ayer pero i spent half the day crying

"This is the spirit of Celestino in all its glory. Guests are caught between the best of both worlds: like being in a jungle retreat, but with the ease of the urban; in the treetops, but right smack in the city. There’s shops and cafés and restaurants, oh my. And never a dull moment. Celestino caters to the traveler looking to engage with the vibrancy offered by Zona Rosa; a traveler who’s young of heart and mind, looking to connect themselves in the area’s bloodline, wander through its small, winding streets, and get lost in crowds of friends gathering by its famous Parque Lleras."

I STILL FEEL THE EARTH TREMBLING, BUT I AM WRONG BECAUSE NO ONE IS POSTING ABOUT IT ON FACEBOOK. LOVE TAKES ME BACK TO LOVE. THIS APARTMENT IS A PRESSURE COOKER. IF I SCREAM AT YOU, YOU STILL WOULD NOT HEAR ME.

3/15/20, 9:45 PM
Juan: How have you been feeling? Any news?
Yo: Hermes was with me last night and he spent the night, so I was happy , but i fluctuate! It’s really weird. Sometimes i feel fine and sometimes i just burst into tears, it’s very cyclical. And no, no news. He never replied to my message . Last we spoke was Wednesday

"Although location is one of its perks, the inside is just as important (and special). The boutique hotel—or 'Hotel Botánico' (botanic hotel), as its main facade announces with metallic letters imposed on a gorgeous Art Deco lattice—has got undeniable flair. Having only 22 rooms allows Celestino’s service to be impeccable, with staff greeting guests on a first-name basis, always ready to help. Breakfast at Azul Salvaje offers a wonderful selection of healthy dishes to recharge you for the day, while the rooftop jacuzzi gives guests access to city views."

OF COURSE I DO. SILENCE CAN ALSO BE A FORM OF TORTURE. THANK THE HEAVENS I AM A CAPRICORN. NOT ANSWERING QUESTIONS IS FOR POLITICIANS AND COWARDS.

3/30/20, 12:19 PM
Yo: Yo voy a try to keep it together pero yo llevo crying nonstop for the last hour and a half.
Shellar: ok baby, yo no vi ni un análisis bueno pero voy a estar calm. Lo que no puedas, I got you

"Celestino is like a terrarium encapsulating the life and vibrancy of Zona Rosa, with deep greens, plant life, wood furniture and details, rich textures in textiles, and the shine of metallic surfaces in warm tones that remind me of the sunlight that kisses me from my balcony every afternoon. An unforgettable place to stay in Medellín, Celestino Boutique Hotel is a true reflection of its location: a small jewel where a bit of Great Gatsby meets the City of Eternal Spring."

I HAVE FORGOTTEN YOUR FATHER’S NAME AND WHAT YOU SMELL LIKE. HELLO TO WHOEVER IS STEPPING ON ME. I WAS ONCE WILLING TO SHARE ALL MY TOYS. YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND THIS.

31/30/20, 12:39 AM
Alejandra: Si quieres estar con el y crees que he’s the one, no te rindas
Yo: Na, ya llevo tiempo. I need to let this go, hoy lloré TODA la tarde.